Archive for March, 2011

The Reflecting Pool

An oasis of peace and quiet, gently ruffling, yet calm, water

This is no ordinary lined hole in the ground.

For 50+  years it has represented someone’s quest for an oasis of peace and quiet.

The gently ruffling, yet calm, water whispers to the soul: “Be still, listen,let your spirit  be renewed.”

Personally, it  symbolizes a destination, a point in  an unexpected journey begun in 1995.

The world is mine.  Retirement will  give me the time to pursue the quiet activities I have  planned for years;  health can not be better.

My vain delight is in being told I look so much younger than my 65 years.

“Yep! bull you ain’t gonna’ throw me  in eight seconds, I’m ride’n to the finish!”  I yelled as life vaulted from the confines of my  “4:30 am to heavens knows when” days as a restaurant manager to the freedom of  the “what I want, when I want” corral.

One day it all comes to a crashing halt.

To become aware of  obvious mental slow down in disturbing;  slurred speech creates anxiety;  a stumbling shuffle  destroys confidence and strips away any semblance  of dignity.

My son’s term of affection, when  introducing me as “My Old Man”,  brings a wince of pain, as I mentally identify with an old man.

A doctor’s visit and her  diagnoses of type II diabetes lifts a heavy load,  my condition is explainable, and treatable.

My mental capacity seems to be the result  of depression, not diminished cognitive abilities!  There is hope!!

The next three years are hard to explain.   For reasons I still do not understand,  physically, life became more difficult.    Energy become something I remembered, but no longer experienced.    Pain became a constant companion and the ability to complete simple tasks is none existent.

The world outside the confines of home  no longer beckon.   Is  it severe depression?

I deny it with all my being.

Then what happened with the pool?

A leaking plant filled little swamp

I do not know.

When it constantly leaked and could not be repaired, the only recourse seemed to be  let it become a hole in the  ground once more.  That alternative just did not seem reasonable.

Staring into the plant filled, leaking, miniature swamp,  I determined I would try to do it myself.

What is the worse that  can happen?  It will be  a hole in the ground!  Right?

Who knows,  it might be possible to transform it.

Almost finished--the pond reflects prospects for life

Less than two weeks later, there is a functioning pond with new curbing, new plantings in and around it.  With no help I have been able to empty the little swamp, build new shelves, reline, and re-curb the haven for our beloved gold fish.

There is a confident new me!  I have learned I can function;   my  disabilities are ones I have inadvertently imposed on myself.

This oasis of peace and quiet with the  gently ruffling, yet calm, water just outside my kitchen door whispers, …..”come, enjoy life….it is not over.”